-~<><><> Classical Music <><><>~-
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            A note left for a pianist from his wife: 

          Gone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet. 

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A bishop, a judge, and a conductor were discussing their careers, and got into an argument about which of them was the greatest.

The judge said, "When I step into the courtroom, everyone stands to pay me respect."

The bishop said, "They stand? I have people kneel before me and kiss my ring."

To which the conductor replied, "Ha! I got you both beat. When I step on the podium people look down, cover their eyes, and say 'Oh my God!'"

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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

  -Because they kept running around saying, "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do you say about a composer who falls off a horse but has the courage to get up and try once more?

  -Bach in the saddle again.

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-Yoruichi-ko :)

~~~~~~~~~~ SIMPLE MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Artery -- Study of paintings

Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria

Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails

Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U

Caesarean section -- District in Rome

Cat scan -- Searching for kitty

Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her

Colic -- Sheep dog

Coma -- A punctuation mark

Congenital -- Friendly

D&C -- Where Washington is

Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events

Dilate -- To live long

Enema -- Not a friend

Fester -- Quicker

Fibula -- A small lie

G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game

Grippe -- Suitcase

Hangnail -- Coathook

Impotent -- Distinguished, well known

Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee

Labor pain -- Got hurt at work

Medical staff -- Doctor's cane

Morbid -- Higher offer

Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate

Node -- Was aware of

Outpatient -- Person who had fainted

Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis

Post operative -- Letter carrier

Protein -- Favoring young people

Rectum -- It almost killed him

Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery

Rheumatic -- Amorous

Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf

Secretion -- Hiding anything

Seizure -- Roman emperor

Serology -- Study of knighthood

Tablet -- Small table

Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport

Tibia -- Country in North Africa

Tumor -- An extra pair

Urine -- Opposite of you're out

Varicose -- Located nearby

Vein -- Conceited

X-Ray -- Your old boyfriend, named Raymond

                                          <><><>~ Music ~ <><><>

Q: What is the definition of an optimist?
A: An accordion player with a pager.

Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

Q: What's the range of an accordion?
A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!

Q: What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?
A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument?
A: Hide it in an accordion case.

Q: What's the difference between an accordion and a lawn mower?

A: If you put both on Home Shopping Network, you could sell the lawn mower.

Q: Who's the patron saint of accordionists?
A: Our Lady of Spain.
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What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

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What do you get when you play country music backwards?

-Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?

-New Age music.

What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?

         -"I didn't wake up this morning..."

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        Maestro (to Horns): "Give us the F in tune!" 

Violist (to Maestro): "Please can we have the F-in' tune too?"

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