~Happy Thanksgiving!~

>>>>><>}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}} {{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{<><<<<<
What kind of key can't open any doors?
 ~A tur-KEY.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

What sound does a turkey make in outer space?

~"Hubble, Hubble, Hubble....."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}
What do you call little turkeys that you can put on a Holiday table?
 ~Goblets.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

What's a pilgrims favorite kind of music?

   ~Plymouth Rock!

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Why was the turkey late for Thanksgiving dinner?

-It was too busy stuffing itself!

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

<><><><><><><><><<<<<<><><><><>>>>>><><><><><><><><><><><>

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
 ~ Pumpkin Pi.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

What's the nicest vegetable in the world?
~The sweet potato.~

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Why can't pilgrims keep their pants up?

 ~Because their belt buckles are on their hats.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

How did pilgrim cows get to America?

 ~On the Moo-flower.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Why did the turkey cross the road?

  ~Because the chicken was on vacation.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Why did the boar cross the road?

 ~Because the turkey was hiding until after Thanksgiving.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}}}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Why did horse cross the road?

 ~Because at the Thanksgiving dinner, 
the boar simply made too much of a pig of itself.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

<><><><><><><><><<<<<<><><><><>>>>>><><><><><><><><><><><>

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Why are turkeys thought to be so stylish?

~Because at Thanksgiving their success is often in their dressing.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

What thing smells best at Thanksgiving?

 ~Your nose!~

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

What did little pilgrims draw with?

 ~Crayon-berries!

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

<><><><><><><><><<<<<<><><><><>>>>>><><><><><><><><><><><>

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Husband: "Mmmn! -That turkey smells good, I can't wait til it's done! 
How long do you think it'll be?"

Wife: "Well, -I'd say about the same size it was when I put it in the oven."

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

-According to the traditional Holiday cookbook, 
what's the absolutely perfect measure of spice to put in a pumpkin pie?

~ A Pil-gram.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

How do you describe the look of a pilgrim who spent all summer at the beach?

~Puri-tan.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Why should you never hunt bear at Thanksgiving?

 ~Because when hunting, its always practical to wear clothes!~

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}
 <><><><><> <><><><><> <><><> <><><> <><><><><> <><><><><>

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

"Honey we don't have any yams! 
-What vegetable do you think I should make instead?"

 "Beets me!"

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

What do you call lingering ghosts from Halloween, 
who are still hanging around at Thanksgiving?

    ~Poultry-geists!

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

How are women and turkeys alike?

 ~ Some men are only interested in their breasts... 

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

 Why are turkeys thought to be such musical birds?

 ~Because they come with drum-sticks.~

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

And finally,

How do keep a turkey in suspense?

  ~I'll tell you at Christmas......!

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Happy Thanksgiving, and truly, all the best to you and yours!!!!!!

;)

-Yoruichi-ko 

~The Art of Aging Gracefully~

After spending a long time together at a nursing home, an elderly couple decide to get married. -But fearing health complications at their considering attempting a physical relationship, their doctor disapproves.
Thinking he can speak some sense into them, first he calls in the old woman and informs her that he believes marriage ill advised, as her fiancé has already had 2 heart attacks.
"He's had hard-tacks??!" The woman replies.
"No," says the doctor calmly, "-heart-attacks."
"-What?" she answers.
"Heart att-acks!"
"--What?!!"
"HEART ATTACKS!" At last he shouts.
"Oh."  She nods with comprehension, but even so after a few more long minutes she is still resolute in her decision and he finds himself completely unable to dissuade her. 
So sending her outside, instead he calls in the old man and tries to express his concerns to him. But as he does so the old man just sits and looks at him with a somewhat puzzled expression.
"Mr Jones, you know Rose has plenty of health problems as well -HERSELF." He says clearly.
"What's that?" the old man says.
"He-al-th -prob-lems!" The doctor enunciates.
"What's that?"
"HEALTH PROBLEMS!
"What's that?!"
Finally losing his patience the doctor states loudly,
"MR Jones! -ROSE HAS ACUTE ANGINA!!!"
"I know!" the old man says with a grin and a wink. "I've already peeked."

                ********************************************************************

A very elderly man is driving down the highway when he gets a frantic, worried call from his wife on his cell phone.
"Jim! Be careful!" She warns, "I just heard on the news that there's a madman recklessly driving the wrong way on Route 290!"
"You're telling me!" he responds without surprise. "-But there isn't just one, there's hundreds!"

                ********************************************************************

                                                  ~In the pews~

An elderly couple were politely sitting side by side in a pew during their usual Sunday morning church service.

Just then though the wife leans over to the husband says into his ear,

"Harold... I just let out a long silent fart. What should I do?"

"For starters," he says, 

"-you should probably get a new battery for your hearing aid."

                ********************************************************************

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years and went to doctor after doctor, but with very little improvement. Finally hearing about a new physician that was supposed to be somewhat of a miracle worker in this area, as a last resort he decided to give him a shot. But to his immense surprise and delight, the promising young MD lived up to his rep and was able to have him fitted with a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% 

A month later cheerily the elderly gentleman went back to the beaming doctor.

"Well Harold, " the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect... Your family must be so very pleased that you can hear again!"

"Oh, I haven't told them yet..." He replied.

The doctor looked at him slightly puzzled for moment and then said,

"Really? -....Hmmn, I guess I was hoping that these would've made a bigger impact on your future and the lives of you and your family."

"Oh believe me, THEY HAVE!" Said the old gentleman with a wry grin. 

"Now, I just sit around and listen... -I've changed my will three times!"

                ********************************************************************

                                              ~~In Memorium~~

<With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the present time, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully in his sleep at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, and thats when all the trouble started.....>

                ********************************************************************

An older man in not the best of physical condition, went to a health club and approached one of the trainers in the gym area. 

"Hey, I really want to impress that beautiful young woman over there..." he said, "Which machine should I use?"

Without missing a beat the trainer gestured towards the exit.

"I'd recommend the ATM out in the lobby."

                ********************************************************************

                        ~~~~~~~~~******Naughty***** Humor~~~~~~~~~~~~
                       (but matching the theme, and my favorite Senior Joke :) )~~~~ 

                                                     ******************
    Two very old seniors, a man and a woman, sat alone on the back porch of a retirement home. After a lengthy time of boring, uninterrupted silence, the old man slaps his hand down on the arm of his chair and turning to the woman says brightly,
"Guess how old I am!"
The woman tips her head and flatly says, "Unzip your pants."
The old man obliges and the old woman reaches inside his fly, feeling around and around for a few moments and then deadpanly, says, "You're 83."
"You're absolutely right! That's amazing!" He says with some surprise.
"Aww!" she says waving her hand at him, "-You told me yesterday."

                ********************************************************************

-Yoruichi-ko ;)

"Riddle me this....."

Q. What goes up and down but never moves?
A. The stairs!

Q. What goes around the world but always stays in the corner?
A. A stamp.

Q. What has 6 legs, 4 eyes, 4 ears, 2 noses, 2 mouths and 2 heads?
A. A man sitting on a horse.

Q. What kind of flower lives between your mouth and your chin?
A. Two-lips.

Q. If a red house is made out of red brick, and a blue house is made of blue bricks what is a green house made of?
A. Glass.

Q. You are trapped in a room and there are 3 doors. Each door has something behind it. The first door has two hungry lions that have not eaten in four years. The second door has electric lasers all across the room. The third has three ninjas ready to attack. Which door would you pick to go through?
A. The first because the lions would be dead if they have not eaten for 4 years!

Q. What always runs, never walks, often murmurs, never talks, has a bed but doesn't sleep, has a mouth but never eats?
A. A river
 _________ ________ ________ _________ _______ _______ ________ __________

Q. What do you do with dead elements?
A. Barium!

_________________________________________________________________________

What do you call it when Jackie Chan catches a bad cold?
 -Kung Flu!

Why is it humanly impossible to have a twelve inch nose?
 -Because then it would be a foot!

How does a microbiologist best love to communicate?
  -With a cell phone!

What gives you the power to walk though walls?
 -A door!

And finally, 
Why do people carry umbrellas?
 -Because umbrellas can't walk!

;) -Yoruichi-ko