"My girlfriend is simply stunning......... -She carries a taser!" ;P

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Question-
Which is better, getting hit by a bottle of Snapple, or can of Pepsi?~
        -A Pepsi. It's a soft drink. 
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Why shouldn't you trust acupuncturists? ><><><>
<><><><>< -They're backstabbers! 

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(People overheard talking-)
"Wow, did you go to Jane's wedding last weekend? 
...Geez, it was so emotional.... -even the cake was in tiers!!!"
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"No, actually I went to the circus that was in town."
"Hey, didn't I hear that they had a small fire break out?"
"Yeah... ...it was IN TENTS!!!"

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Why do pencil sharpeners have such hard lives?
      -They have to live off tips.

Why was pencil with an eraser at both ends such a failure? 
      -It was quickly discovered to be pointless!

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"My girlfriend is simply stunning.........   -She carries a taser!!" ^v^v^v^v^v^v

"...Hey, didn't she just lose her job at the boat store?"

"Yeah, I guess her big idea for a paddle sale turned out 
to be just way too much of an OAR deal..."

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What does someone with a lot of fillings say whenever they go back to the dentist?
"It's ok.... I know the drill....." 
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-When atheists can't solve difficult, exponential equations-

-is it because they don't believe in higher powers...?
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                             ***Rim shot joke: ***

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"Hey, did I tell you my Dalmatian got out of the yard yesterday? 

-Fortunately he was spotted just two blocks from home."
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*Ba-Dum!*



~Why would someone watch a movie about a hot dog?
-Maybe if it was an Oscar Weiner.

(Overheard...)

~"...You know, I tried wearing that new, style of skin tight jeans...  but I found I just couldn't pull 'em off..."~ /^\ ~

And finally,

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1st Person: "Hey, didn't your brother just get fired from the Highway road crew?"
2nd Person: "Yeah, for stealing. ....but I have to say, the last time I was at his house... 
-all the signs were there..."
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