What do you call a grizzly with no teeth?
-A gummy bear!
~What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
-It gets toad.
~What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
-Snow-balls!
**** Although he was a legendary Jedi, did you know that Luke Skywalker actually had horrible table manners? Apparently Obi Wan was frequently heard saying, "Use the fork, Luke." ******
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--(Overheard in a hardware store)--------------
In the supermarket a woman was pushing a cart which contained a loudly fussing little girl. As they passed the cookie section, the girl asked for cookies, and when the woman told her she couldn't have any the girl began to cry, scream and bellow deafeningly. But still the woman just kept repeating softly: "Don't get excited Monica.... its ok, don't scream Monica... don't be upset Monica, don't yell Monica.. be calm Monica."
-Snow-balls!
**** Although he was a legendary Jedi, did you know that Luke Skywalker actually had horrible table manners? Apparently Obi Wan was frequently heard saying, "Use the fork, Luke." ******
Two bats were hanging upside on a branch. The first one says to the second one, "Boy I had the most awful day yesterday..... My one wing hurt so bad that I couldn't even fly out to look for food!!"
"Hey it could've been worse..." replied the second one.
"How's that?" says the first.
"-You could've had diarrhea."
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A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Hey! Stop having sex down there!"
"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't having sex!"
"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were." Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.
"By golly he's right!" said the husband. "It DOES look like they're having sex down there!"
"By golly he's right!" said the husband. "It DOES look like they're having sex down there!"
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"Do you have a four volt two watt lamp?"
"For what?"
"No, two."
"Two what?"
"Yes."
"No."
In the supermarket a woman was pushing a cart which contained a loudly fussing little girl. As they passed the cookie section, the girl asked for cookies, and when the woman told her she couldn't have any the girl began to cry, scream and bellow deafeningly. But still the woman just kept repeating softly: "Don't get excited Monica.... its ok, don't scream Monica... don't be upset Monica, don't yell Monica.. be calm Monica."
A woman standing next to her said:
"My, I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica!"
"I'm Monica!” The mother replied.
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A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.
Stopping at the edge of the yard, "Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks.
The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope."
As soon as the jogger starts to run by the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man mutters, "That ain't my dog."
-Yoruichi-ko :)
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-Have a nice day!
-Have a nice day!
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